What's the greatest threat to marriage these days? Gay weddings in San Francisco? J Lo? Britney Spears and Madonna? Britney Spears and weekend marriages in Vegas?
No, according to Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, the greatest threat is ... weddings. (Weddings: That's Entertainment Washington Post 01/25/04).
Those who want to protect the institution of marriage from mockery should shift their fearful attention from would-be marriage partners to weddings. It is not the couples yearning for marriage that scare Miss Manners, but those who are actively planning to enter into it.
After all, nobody can figure out why this person wants to marry that person or that sort. Despite centuries spent pondering the curious phenomenon of people choosing marriage partners who don't suit onlookers, it remains unfathomable.
But the current practices common in the ceremonial expression of marriage indicate clearly how most people regard the institution itself. As negligible, Miss Manners would say. ...
To whatever extent possible, the ceremony has become part of the couple's pageantry of personal display. As they inevitably declare, "We want this to be about us." So begins the reworking to "personalize it" with their own script. Not infrequently, this includes jokes and all-too-private reminiscences. Officiants, too, contribute their share in the spirit of undercutting the solemnity to make the ceremony entertaining. And guests recognize this with their applause.
Miss Manners acknowledges that this approach to weddings is consistent with the society's belief that vows and loyalties are binding only in regard to the amount of entertainment they continue to yield.
It certainly would never occur to me to contradict Miss Manners in her field of expertise.
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