Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Chuckie Watch 99: Chuckie's still speakin' for the troops

Wow, I'm almost up to Chuckie Watch #100!  I hope nobody's expecting me to do something extra-special for #100, like an interview with Chuckie, or something.  Hey, now that would be a kick.  But I would ask less polite questions that Sean Hannity or "Fox liberal" Alan Colmes.

Anyway, ole Chuckie is really comin' out swingin' on behalf of the troops in Iraq.  He's demanding better armor, more equipment and ... no, wait.  I guess that's the troops themselves.  (Bloodied Marines Sound Off About Want of Armor and Men by Michael Moss New York Times 04/25/05)

What's ole Chuckie sayin' on behalf of the troops in his report on Day 4 (04/25/05) of his foreign trip at taxpayers' expense?

Well, Chuckie's been hearin' about the economy in Kuwait, which seems to sound to him a lot like some kind of oil socialism.  And Chuckie don't quite seem to know what to make of it.  Chuckie says:

In other words, say for instance you want to go to Kuwait and open a clothing store. You would have to go to a Kuwaiti citizen, he would go to the government and get a license for you to operate and you would pay him a monthly fee. Multiply that a few times and you come out with a good living. Nice racket.

Chuckie says that foreigners do all the work in Kuwait.  Well, heck far, Chuckie!  Ain't they all foreigners in Kuwait?  Chuckie must still be thankin' this is an American territory or something.

Chuckie was also annoyed they wouldn't let him take pichers on the street.

And one thing especially impressed Chuckie:

Some of the houses in Kuwait look like hotels and our driver explained the reason to me. Men in Kuwait can have as many wives as they want, but he has to treat each one of them exactly the same. In other words they all have to have the same amount of living space, the same amount of furniture, the same allowance and so forth.

If you give one of them a diamond necklaceyou  have to give them all one, and if you don’t they can go to court and get a judgment against you.

They say the Emir has 68 wives, now that takes a lot of real estate.

Chuckie seem pretty perplexed by that.  I wonder how he's processing that.  Something to do with evil Muslims and Allah being a moon god, I'm guessing.  I'm sure you all remember this classic from Chuckie: Not The Same 09/02/03:

I recently got a letter from a lady berating me for some of the things that I had to say about radical Islam. She said that the God we worship is the same God the Muslims worship.

This is simply not true. The Judeo-Christian God, Jehovah and the Islamic Allah are not, repeat, not one and the same. Allah is, in fact, the moon god who was married to the sun goddess and the stars were his daughters. There are temples to the moon god throughout the Middle East[.] ...

The moon god was supposed to be the head of all gods but when Mohammed came along he declared him the only god but he is never described in the Koran.

Uh, Chuckie, I hear tell that "Allah" is the Arabic word for "God".  And that even Arab Christians pray to "Allah" because, well, you know, it's the Arab word for "God".  Because I've heard a lot of rumors that most Arab Christians speak Arabic.  Hopefully Chuckie asked one of his interpreters about that when he was travelling around Iraq interviewing Iraqis about what they think of the American presence.  I'm sure he'll be fillin' us in on all that.

And one thing I don't understand, Chuckie.  You know, I'm pretty sure that that there Koran thang is considered the most holy book of Islam  And if this here moon god ain't even mentioned in it - and, Chuckie, I'm sure you researched the Koran thoroughly yourself before writing that - then how come the Muslim Allah is a moon god and the Christian God (or "Allah" as the Arab Christians call him) ain't?  And does this mean that the Jewish God is just an ancient bagel god or something?  Man, Chuckie really gits deep sometimes.

Anyway, back to Day 4.  So Chuckie played a base in Kuwait and stood around signing autographs and hugging troops.  (Hey,that's what he says!) 

Right before we went on stage a chaplain came into the dressing room and had a prayer with us and all the military personnel traveling with us were issued firearms.

It’s been serious business up until now but from here on out all the rules change. Tomorrow morning we head for Iraq.

Maybe then he'll git around to talkin' about the armor and equipment shortages.  Stay tuned for each exciting installment of Chuckie speakin' for the troops.  So far, he seems to have only talked to people who already thought just like him anyway.  But I'm sure he had some in-depth conversations with the troops about their experiences in between all that autograph-signing and hugging and stuff.


amkpantera said...

"Wow, I'm almost up to Chuckie Watch #100!  I hope nobody's expecting me to do something extra-special for #100, like an interview with Chuckie, or something.  Hey, now that would be a kick.  But I would ask less polite questions that Sean Hannity or "Fox liberal" Alan Colmes."

I think it would be great for you two to conduct an AOL debate together.  If only we could make it happen.  Give 'em hell!

purcellneil said...

The Canaanite High God "El" is thought to be the precursor of the God of Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  By tradition, Abraham is considered a common father figure and patriarch to all three of these religions, and although his God was a complex figure, he is clearly one God.  

Chuckie is no theologian.  Sadly, most Americans are equally ignorant.