Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Chuckie Watch 97: Chuckie's gone teach us about Bush's wars

Oh, this is gonna be good, y'all! Ole Chuckie done gone and got thematic on us. Nashville's wannabe guru of political correction, Chuckie "the only good terrorist is a dead terrorists and I ain't no pantywaist" Daniels is startin' him a whole series at this Soabox column (First Day April 5, 2005 04/18/05). (I had a little Freudian slip there: "guru of political correction," when obvious I meant "Patriotic Correctness.")

For the next few weeks I will be writing a series of articles chronologically documenting our trip to Southwest Asia to entertain the American military forces fighting the war on terror.

It is my wish that the articles will serve to inform and enlighten and hopefully fill in some in the wide and intentional gaps in the American media's coverage of the war and the men and women who fight it.

Ah tell y'all what, we gone git the real story now! And ah don't wanna hear none of them wimp pantywaist Democrat types criticizing ole Chuckie's dates. Just 'cause he's startin' April 5 on April 18, that's okay. I just missed a date on Confederate "Heritage" Month my own self. And besides, Chuckie's been doin' important work, witnessin' for Jesus at the NRA convention.

We flew from Nashville, aboard a C40 jet (courtesy of the Washington, DC National Guard) with refueling stops at Andrews Air Force base and Shannon Ireland and arrived at the American Air Force base at Manas Airport in Kyrgyzstan about 2:30 local time, many hours and many time zones away from where we had started.

Man, it's good to know that our tax dollars are going to pay for Chuckie to propagandize our troops with ChuckieThought, like:

The Vietnam war, the one our troops fought in political handcuffs should be a testimony to the folly of letting politicians control the fighting of a war. Only the men and women who stand in harm's way know what needs to be done at any given time and they should be able to carry on their job without interference from self-serving politicians making their uninformed criticisms from the safety of an easy chair in the nation's capitol.

Thanks to the maniacal rantings of Jane Fonda,the poisonous rumblings of John Kerry and the sheepfold mentality of stoned out hippies these brave men who fought the war in Vietnam were called baby killers and spit on by people who didn't even deserve to stand on the same street with them.

Yeah, we sure cain't have our soldiers thankin' they need to be worryin' about all this here civilian-control-of-the-military crap that American-hatin' wusses keep bragin' up.

And thank God and Preznit Bush that we ain't got no Democrats in the armed forces: "I feel that the Democratic party, at least in appearances has been hijacked by people so far to the left that it's a wonder they don't fall off the face of the earth ..."

And we have to make sure all our troops know that real men gun wounded prisoners to death:

How dare you pompous media know-it-alls judge this brave young man from the safety of your high-rise offices. How dare you try to hang him for what was a simple act of war where split-second judgment and instant action are required.

What would you have done? I suppose you would have taken it to the United Nations or take out your Geneva Convention handbook. ...

This was not the corner druggist this Marine killed. He is a member of a religious sect who believe in cutting off innocent people's heads in front of the whole world, who strap dynamite to their bodies and blow themselves up.

I don't know your name, son, but let me tell you something and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

You did what you had to do and no matter what the canned hams in the media say you did the right thing and I want to thank you for wearing that uniform, for volunteering to fight for this nation so the pansies in the media can sit back and take pot shots at you every chance they get.

No matter what they say you are a United States Marine and there are millions of people who would love to shake your hand and tell you how very much they appreciate you. Without you and young people like you there would be no United States of America.

I know that the Marine Corps will continue their tradition of taking care of their own, and tell the media to go stuff it. You've got nothing to be ashamed of young man.

Except that real people are often traumatized for the rest of their lives from knowing that they've killed someone, even when it was a totally necessary kill. Much less when they know that people around the world saw them on film shooting a wounded for no good reason at all.

But I'm sure Dick Cheney and Jesus are happy to know that our troops can git direct instruction from an expert on patriotism during taxpayer-paid trips to not pay no attention to this here wimp Geneva Convention or laws-of-war nonsense or rules-of-engagement sissy stuff.

And Chuckie always teaches a Christian respect for others' opinions. Like that ole Ward Churchill Holocaust-denier type that Chuckie for some reason thanks is some kinda leftwinger:

Let me pose a hypothetical question to Churchill's apologists.

What if someone took a high powered rifle, stood at a distance and shot Churchill between the eyes while he was making one of his speeches on the premise that they disagreed with him politically.

And what if a lot of people in this country said that Churchill got what he deserved. How would you feel about that?

Yes, advice like this from a blowhard white-guy who managed to sit out the Vietnam War - probably cause he had "other priorities" like Dick Cheney - is just what our reservists headed out to Iraq for their second year of combat duty need to hear. I'm sure they feel honored to have such solid advice.

Anyhow, Chuckie and his band played for some of the troops out yonder in Kyrgyzstan. I wonder if the Pentagon is also going to pay to send Steve Earle or Nanci Griffith over to play the troops. (Little joke there!) Chuckie says:

They kept saying, "Thank you so much for coming over here and doing this," and I felt humbled and more than once I felt my eyes growing misty as I kept thinking, "They're just a bunch of kids" and it gives you an even lower opinion of the media and the politicians in America who belittle the task these young people are about over here.

Uh, Chuckie, I think it's time for a new perscription on your glasses. No, they aren't kids! They are adults, some of them in their 40s and 50s, a long way from their families, many of them lots older than you were during the Vietnam War when you passed up your own chance to go kill some commies for your mommy. Oh, and for Jesus, of course. And they're out there, many of them in Iraq, because blowhard white guys like you who just luvvvv to watch wars on FOX News cheered for war and killing based on lies about Saddam's "weapons of mass destruction."

Makes you proud to be an American, don't it, Chuckie?

Instead, Chuckie, maybe you should try cleaning the [Cheney]ing "mist" out of your eyes and look what actually happens when guys like you who love wars - for other people to fight - git what you want. Cause I think what's in your eyes is "Mist" in the German meaning of the words. Fertilizer, we might call it.

Your taxpayer dollars at work, enabling Chuckie to spread the True Gospel to our soldiers.



amkpantera said...

So does he volunteer to play for them or does he get asked to by the Pentagon?  I think it would be good for the people over there to be treated to musicians from the other side of thinking, the side that says that those soldiers' lives are too precious to be wasted in such a stupid, unnecessary war.  Maybe they're people in the government who don't want the soldiers to know about different viewpoints.  Gotta love that democracy!

amkpantera said...

By the way -- good point about why didn't Chuckie volunteer to fight in Vietnam since it was supposedly to him so necessary to protecting America's security.

bmiller224 said...

Well, I'm sure it was just like with our brave leader Dick Cheney.  He had "other priorities."

It's probably worth saying, even though it will get lost in the storm of post-Iraq War recriminations whose outlines we can already see, that whether a person served in the armed forces or not doesn't make their opinion on a particular war more or less valid.

It's just as bad for a veteran or a general to advocate war crimes, or to mindlessly glorify war, or to justify war and killing based on lies, as it is for someone who never served in the military.

And on the other side, it's perfectly fine for someone to support a war without having personally been in the service.  If we ever get to the point that only veterans and military officers bother to express opinions about wars and military policy, we may have the form of a democracy left but the reality won't be there.  As the old saying goes, war is way too important to be left to the generals.

On the other hand, in my experience the kind of people who spew Chuckie-style blowhard nonsense about the virtues of torturing prisoners and murdering the wounded and so forth are much more likely to be people who have never come closer to a battlefield than playing for the troops in a heavily-guarded base.  People who actually saw the piles of bodies and smelled the burned and rotted flesh on real battlefields are just not so likely to glorify the whole thing.  Regardless of what they think about the virtues of the war policies that put them there.

To me, there's just something inherently disgusting about someone glorifying violence and killing that they are confident that only someone else is likely to experience directly in any way.  Any coward can do that.  And lots of them do. - Bruce

amkpantera said...

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree.  I've never been in the military myself, but I, like others, I have seen "Saving Private Ryan," and that's as close as I would ever want to come to seeing warfare.  Also, I think that serves as the inspiration to state that I don't think war is something that should ever be engaged in unless it is of the untmost necessity, and both you and I know this current war isn't that at all.