Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Chuckie Watch 95: Chuckie gits self-reflective

Looks like ole Chuckie's been a'thanking about how folks see him: My, Myself and I 03/28/05.

Chuckie says:

I know that some of the people who read this column think that I am a barely educated, redneck, Bible thumping, opinionated kind of son of gun who is actually proud of his birthplace and his southern heritage and red state philosophy ...

Nah, Chuckie, heck far!  Who woulda' ever thought something like 'at about you?  I cain't believe it!

Some of you think that I’m a warmonger ...

Now, this is amazing.  How could anyone thank Chuckie is a warmonger?

He proceeds to explain what a wonderful thang war is.  Uh, Chuckie, don't that mean that being a warmonger is a good thang?  (ChuckieThought gits pretty deep sometimes.)

As far as being a redneck is concerned, I love football, NASCAR, rodeo and fishing, even got a bass rig. I love hound dogs, horses, bluegrass music, four-wheel drives and I own a whole bunch of guns. And by the way, I’ve never held up a convenient store or shot anybody.

Actually, Chuckie, if we take "redneck" to mean a working-class person - the word comes from working in the sun, which literally makes your neck red - I ain't sure you qualify.  I mean, don't you make yore livin' by playin' music?  Also, not to be picky or anythang.  But does this mean that you might've held up an inconvenient store at some time or the other?

I am truly proud of my Southern heritage, which really tics some of you elitists off. You seem to think that the south is an inbred, uneducated, backward kind of place.

Actually, the people I know who git the most upset by fundamentalist fanatics and blowhard white-guy yawhoos are Southerners.  Somehow, Chuckie, I don't thank you'd be too proud of the Southern heritage that includes people like William Faulkner.  (He's a writer, Chuckie, kind of well known, but he's dead now.)  Or Jimmy Carter - even though you supported him when he ran for President!!!  Chuckie, Chuckie, how did them there Yankee liberals ever sucker you into that?  Dadburn, boy, what was you thankin'?

As far as my beliefs are concerned they are totally and uncompromisingly carved in stone.

So, Chuckie, is that what they mean by "blockhead"?  I guess back when you were a dupe of the liberals and enemies of God and supported Jimmy Carter, you hadn't quite gotten yore stone carving yet.

Yep, that Chuckie, he's a man of deep convictions, ain't he?  And his thankin' is even deeper.


fdtate714 said...

I was puzzled by your obsession with Chucky for quite a while.  Now, let me just say how happy I am that you read Chucky so I don't have to.  Quite a public service.

bmiller224 said...

Well, I figure I should try to contribute *something* to society. :) :) - Bruce