Chuckie Watch 31: Chuckie and Wimmin

Ole Chuckie was thinking about women as he hit the bottom of his latest swing onto the Dark Side and then back up again.

Chuckie was deep in the pit when he wrote A Woman's Right to Choose. It's pretty much a standard Christian Right rant against abortion being  Satanic, etc. All without a trace of real understanding or sympathy for the real problems that many women and girls face when they find themselves with an unplanned pregnancy.

A few days later, he was on the upswing, and wrote a piece about purses. Yep, purses.

Then Chuckie was inspired to write about Janet Jackson's almost-nekkid boob. Now, I want to be fair to Chuckie. I've often accused him of being vague. But he clearly paid very close attention to this issue. He's got the details down. So he has it in him.

He had to give it a Christian Right treatment, so he grumps about decadent MTV, etc. But ole Chuckie has an image as a swaggering macho dude to protect. So he can't afford to be too huffy about a female breast. Especially after just writing a column about purses. So he suggests - maybe not totally sarcastically - that next year they git "the Playboy Channel to produce tha [sic] halftime show."

But Chuckie took some professional interest as a performer himself. He could tell, thanks to his close examination, that "this was a planned incident from the gitgo [sic]." He thinks they wanted to "generate a lot of talk and even resentment" to attract attention to themselves.(Chuckie also says he couldn't understand a dang word them other black people were singing.)

Chuckie's tried that. After 9/11, he came out with a song that went, "It's a flag, not a rag/And we don't wear it on our heads." But that was a little too tasteless for even the war-loving corporate drones at Clear Channel. So Chuckie didn't attract nearly as much attention as Janet's boob.

So, Chuckie, I'm glad you were paying close attention. But forget it: nobody wants to see your nekkid breasts.