Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Chuckie Watch 115: The science of war and ChuckieThought

We all have our bad habits.  You know, booze, carousing, chewing tobacco, whatever.  Things we know we should give up but can't.

I've got the Chuckie Watch.  Checked on ole Chuckie again today.  Went back and picked up on his 12/02/05 post about how much he supports our troops in Iraq by supporting everything Dear Leader Bush says and does about the war: An open letter to the armed forces.

ChuckieThought is still as profound as ever.  Chuckie's got him some new reasons for the war now.  Them WMDs didn't have nothin' to do with it, naw, it was the oil-for-food program.  And also France and Russia were doing some bitness with Iraq.  So we had to git Saddam.

But Chuckie seems to thank that our Army ain't doin' so well.  I mean, Chuckie says:

I believe if we could take the politics and hostile media coverage out of this war for one year, you guys would “get er done” and everybody could come home and vote against these backstabbers.

But, but, Chuckie!  Our infallible generals have been sayin' we're winnin' all over the place.  And Bush and Rummy and all them fine people like that say the generals have gotten every single thang they've asked for in Iraq all along.  And you mean Bush the Liberator of Peoples has let that there Liberal Media influence his decisions?!  But, Chuckie, that would mean ... that he's in on the conspiracy!  No, Chuckie, that cain't be!

But then, Chuckie also says that our soldiers and their infallible generals ain't really accomplished nothin' in their first three years in Iraq:

The situation in Iraq is just as volatile as it was when you went over there and just as dangerous and anybody who thinks we’re fighting anything but genuine terrorists over there needs to have their heads examined.

Chuckie, you mean after three years stuff is just as bad as when we started?  Or maybe Chuckie thanks "volatile" means "they have a lot of A-rabs and stuff around".

And Chuckie's been hearin' about all this science bein' taught in schools nowadays: Science and hyprocrisy 01/06/06.

And Chuckie don't like it.

Chuckie don't have no doubts about where babies come from.  God makes 'em, Chuckie believes it, and that's all there is to it!  (He doesn't git into all the details about the stork and stuff, though.)

But Chuckie's done heard that some of these here smarty-pants perfessers believe in somethin' called evolution.  Heck far, Chuckie says that evolution thang ain't nothin' but just a theory!  Anybody can make up a theory, now cain't they?

And Chuckie explains to us what this here evolution thang means:

1. If you have evolved instead of being created by a righteous God there is no afterlife and you can do whatever you want to on earth without worrying about the consequences.

2. If life is simply a result of amoeba on steroids which just randomly got together and produced life that, excuse me, evolved, into human beings over a period of time, the taking of that life in abortion amounts to no more than survival of the fittest.

3. Since there are no eternal consequences, anything goes, there are no moral codes, no rules of decency and incest, homosexuality, pedophilia, adultery and bestiality are no more than alternate life styles.

Which explains why biologists all do things like marry their sisters and cheat on them with the farm animals.

In ChuckieThought, it's a very steep, short and slippery slope that leads directly from fantasizing about horny amoebas straight to incest and that other stuff.

That's kind of creepy, Chuckie, really.  Your free-associations, I mean, not science teaching in schools.

Fortunately, Chuckie also explains to us the Advantages of the ordered mind 01/09/06.  Chuckie says he has a disordered mind.  A "dreamer's mind".  And he explains a little more about his thought processes, possibly revealing more than he intended.  Chuckie says:

]P]eople like me have a dreamer’s mind which flits around from subject to subject like a restless humming bird seldom taking the time to incorporate statistics and details into our thoughts, hitting the high spots and moving on to something else.

Okay, I buy that.

I don’t read many newspapers and when I do I’m apt to go straight to the sports page ...

It shows, Chuckie, it shows.

The ordered mind reads and retains the printed details while the dreamer will most likely look at the pictures. They read the stock market reports we read the comics.

No argument there, either, Chuckie.  Makes thangs a whole lot easier when you can just look at the pitchers.

Dreamers are always wondering what’s over the next hill and have trouble remembering anniversaries, birthdays and have a hard enough time remembering their own phone number much less anybody else’s.

Of course, there are other conditions that can make your memory start to slide.  Age-related dementia.  Pickling one's brain in OxyContin.  Just to name a couple at random.

But at least this explains why Chuckie's sense of history never seems to go back farther than the last rant he heard from Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly.

For more on Chuckie, see the Chuckie Watch Index.

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