Actually, it's more like the Return of the Chuckie Watch. Because I haven't done a Chuckie Watch in a while. But ole Chuckie's been a'writin' anyhow.
And now that the spirit of Chuckieism is stalking Linda Ronstadt at her concerts, it's a good time to catch up on our boy Chuckie and see what the latest in Patriotic Correctness is. The kind that is no danger from Clear Channel or the Bush Fedayeen, that is.
Chuckie on torture in the gulag
I count three whole posts devoted to the torture issue - Unmitigated Bias (05/17/04) Prisoners (05/14/04) Sick (05/31/04), the earlier two of which I've commented on before - and several minor asides in others. I did a character count to see how much of the three on torture were devoted to criticizing the criminal torture in the gulag, and how much was devoted to being "outraged at the outrage" over the torture.
By my count, we've got 6% making the Republican Party-line ritual comment about a "few bad apples," and the other 94% is outraged-by-the-outraged. So Chuckie's 94% pro-torture and 6% anti. And the "anti" part gets put this way:
I don’t believe in torture, in fact, I detest it. But what happened at Abu Ghraib so pales in comparison to what terrorists did to Nick Berg that it shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same breath.
Actually, Chuckie comes pretty close to mentioning them in the same breath himself. I guess it depends on exactly how you breathe.
This is not exactly a ringing condemnation. In fact, it sort of sounds like, "Well, a lot of bad things happened in Mississippi during segregation, BUT..." Whatever comes next - the Yankees are worse, it wasn't really that bad, The Media didn't tell the story right - doesn't really matter that much. The "BUT" pretty much tells the listeners what they need to know.
Superpatriot alert: Chuckie criticizes the war
Ole Chuckie thanks that we're bein' way too soft on them there A-rabs in Eye-raq. And on these here Muslims that Chuckie's heard tell was hangin' around in America, too:
If we’d take the media and the politics out of Iraq and let the military do their job I believe that the war would be over in six months. It’s time to take the gloves off.
We should start right here in the United States and if that means going into Muslim neighborhoods so be it. If the Muslims in this country are real Americans they will cooperate with the authorities and help them find the terrorists.
Yeah, take The Media out of Iraq and that'd fix ever'thang! That Chuckie's a military genius.
But Chuckie don't approve of torture, you understand. He means "take the gloves off" in a no-bad-apples kind of way.
Chuckie on politics and elections
Chuckie's been listening to Al Gore. And Chuckie don't like it: Come On Al 06/04/04. Chuckie thanks the elected preznit just don't "realize that we are at war with the most ruthless, dangerous, and dishonorable enemy we have ever faced."
Now, I believe Chuckie means The Terrorists there. Or maybe he means the Democrats. Actually from this piece, it's hard to know if he can tell the difference.
Why does the particular version of snark in the following item appeal to Chuckie types? Real Choice 06/21/04. Chuckie describes the choices in the presidential race with subtle characterizations such as:
One candidate is anti-abortion, one candidate is pro-abortion.
One candidate thinks that much of the international affairs of America should be approved by the United Nations, the other candidate doesn’t. ...
One candidate has socialist leanings, the other doesn’t. ...
One candidate wears his religious beliefs on his sleeve, the other doesn’t.
But then he ends with:
If you’ve noticed, I haven’t mentioned any names, so don’t accuse me of running down your candidate whichever one he happens to be.
Say what? Well, anyway, Chuckie don't thank much of this whole election business anyhow: "I hate to see our nation torn apart by an election," he says.
And maybe Chuckie's right. If we could all just unite behind Bush the Magnificent, Liberator of Peoples and Hooder of the Unrighteous, it would feel so much better. Then Bush and Ashcroft wouldn't have to bother about postponing the election. For the good of nation, of course. So we won't be "torn apart by an election."
Other Chuckieisms
I've written before about Chuckie's charities, so we know Chuckie likes to be humanitarian. When he's not being "more outraged at the outrage" over torture in the gulag. (By the way, Chuckie also says Gore says "gulag" for Bush and Rummy's prison syste. And Chuckie don't like it.)
So Chuckie's had a couple of pieces expressing concern about the (American) victims of Agent Orange, a defoliant widely used by the US in Vietnam during the war there: Responsibility Overdue 06/07/04 and Agent Orange Follow-Up (07/09/04). Chuckie even manages to get in a refernce to the people of Vietnam, outspoken Christian that he is:
Cancer, birth defects and heart problems are just a few of the catastrophic results of being exposed to Agent Orange.
Before anything can be done about it they have to admit that the problems of the veterans exposed to Agent Orange were indeed caused by the chemicals. There is adequate proof in the ranks of our veterans, not to mention the long-term effects to the people of Vietnam.
It's a real problem, and I'm glad to see Chuckie's focusing on the problems veterans that were exposed to it are facing. "Not to mention" the problems that those who lived in and around the areas it was sprayed face.
And Chuckie gits letters, he says. Apparently one lady wrote him a letter expressing her opinion on virtually every political issue imaginable and explaining her Fallacies to Chuckie. Like those anonymous soldiers' letters he gets, there's no name attached to this one. But Chuckie tells her, among a whole laundry-list of his favorite issues:
Trent Lot [sic] bragged on an old man who no longer has anything to do with the shaping of public policy and got soundly castigated for it. Senator Dodd lauded a former member of the Klu Klux Klan who still serves in the Senate and got nothing for it.
Yep, ole Chuckie's still steamed about Trent gittin' his leadership slot took away because he's been kissin' up to the White Citizens Council all these years. That weird-sounding reference about the KKK member in the Senate undoubtedly refers to Democratic Senator Robert Byrd, who was once a member of the Klan, and has long since repudiated it. That's kind of the best remotely sensible retort Trent's fans could come up with to defend him.
In other Chuckie news, ole Chuckie's been thankin' about Saddam's war crimes trial, or the Trial for a Monster (07/06/04), as he calls it. Chuckie don't understand why anyone's worried about no fair trial nonsense for him:
The finest of American youth have given their lives to bring this man to justice and now that we have him some lawyers want to move in and defend his rights.
Rights???? What rights???? This SOB forfeited any rights he has ever had when he had women raped in front of their husbands and children tortured in front of their parents.
I view Saddam as I do an armed robber, if you walk into a convenience store with a gun in your hand you have just signed your own death warrant and if the person behind the counter blows your head off it’s your own fault. Saddam grossly mistreated the people of Iraq and now it’s payback time.
Uh, Chuckie, a major Bush-and-Rummy fan like you might not want to be quite so emphatic about the moral depravity of those who allowed rape and the torture of children in front of their parents and how they done forfeited any rights they ever had. Despite what they may say on Fox News, there really have been more than "a few bad apples" involved in the torture in the gulag.
And Chuckie's gittin' a little bored with just havin' one or two wars goin' on. He needs more entertainment. Here We Sit (07/12/04), he complains, when we could be havin' us wars with Eye-ran, North Korea, maybe even a war in the streets right here organized by the United Nations and a bunch of foreigners. Or aliens or Muslims or, you know, somebody evil and Unamerican and dark-skinned and such. The Evil People.
That's Chuckie's a deep strategic thinker.
Chuckie thinks it's time to git our heads back into the war fever that was so much fun for the Chuckies of the world just after 9/11. There was nobody "complaining about being one nation under God that day," he says. Chuckie's been prayerfully meditating on this apparently, and concludes:
Our open door policy of immigration, our go anywhere, do anything, nothing off limits privileges were our undoing as these walking garbage bags came into our country with impunity and wreaked havoc on a free and unsuspecting society. ...
I sometimes wonder if America has such a short memory that we’ve forgotten September the eleventh when three thousand innocent Americans died at the hands of merciless men who were so bent on doing the devil’s work they were willing to die in the process. ...
Have we forgotten the day the naive innocence of America was taken away by a handful of demonic radical Islamic excrement?
I don’t know about you but as for me, hell no, I haven’t forgotten[.] I will not forget until the last murdering terrorist in the world becomes a good terrorist by taking their last earthly breath.
Yeah, if we can just git rid of all these here dang immigrants, maybe start gittin' the Negroes to know there place again, and call The Terrorists bad names, Chuckie could have that warm and fuzzy feeling again of knowing that nobody was "complaining about being one nation under God."
I feel your pain, Chuckie.
And in his latest, Roadwork (07/19/04), Chuckie reflects on important issues like what do you do if you have to pee while you're in a traffic jam. (Probably a bunch of immigrants blocking the road, you know?)
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