Bush's Dialogue With His Lesser Predecessors

Via the ever-alert Atrios, I see that President Bush told the New Yorker's Ken Auletta (from the 01/19/04 issue), "No President has ever done more for human rights than I have."

This set me to thinking about what he might have to say to previous Presidents:

To George Washington: "Look, they call you the Father of Our Country and all. But all you did was get the new government started. And you only had 13 little states to deal with, that's no big deal."

To Thomas Jefferson: "Don't start talking to me about freedom of speech and freedom of the press and all that nonsense. Ashcroft's told me about you. The government had things set all nicely so they could just arrest any reporter or critic they didn't like, and you came in and messed it all up. We're still trying to get back to where we were before you came in. Plus you used to live in France."

To Andy Jackson: "I think you're the worst of all. You whined because you got elected and the other guy became President. You gave people the idea they could vote without owning property. You taught people it was okay for government to interfere with whatever big business wanted to do. You're as bad as Saddam Hussein!"

To Abraham Lincoln: "Oh, yeah, you freed the slaves, yadda, yadda, who cares? There weren't that many of them. And my ole pal Trent Lott tells me they were all well treated, anyway."

To Woodrow Wilson: "I know you. You're the one that started all this worrying about international law stuff. What a wuss!"

To Franklin Roosevelt: "So, you stopped Hitler and Tojo. Big deal. But you got people all thinking they could join unions, get a minimum wage and have this Social Security thingy. It's going to take me another four years to wipe that thing out."

To Old Man Bush: "Look, Dad, I know you were a fighter pilot before, and the Soviet Union and all those Communist countries fell while you were President. But, hey, I get to prance around in a flight suit, too. And I whipped Saddam Hussein's booty, you didn't. So there!"